TRUST THE EXPERT
(Spoiler Alert: YOU are the expert)
Happy Wednesday, mamas!
Anna here. I don't know about you, but I grew up in an “Ask The Expert” house. Asking the expert wasn’t merely a parental suggestion; it was the first and most crucial step in any decision-making process. Need to buy a car? Don’t even think about visiting a dealership until you’ve consulted Consumer Reports! Looking at college? Get thee to the guidance counselor before you touch that glossy catalog, missy! My ankle still hurts after having it looked at: “Well, have you done EVERYthing your doctor said to do? Call him and double-check!”
No matter the situation, you can bet your sweet booty that there was always an expert to confer with. And while in general this proved to be a good thing, and I did get to meet a lot of interesting people (I love talking to new people!) there was barely any time for me to noodle over whatever curiosity or challenge I was facing. No time to work things out for myself. There was an urgency. A rush to expert, if you will. It would go something like this:
Me: I’m having this situation at school/work/my apartment and I’m wondering what to do about it—
Parents: Ask your teacher/boss/landlord!
Me: Well, I’m feeling like I want to—
Parents: Feeling!?! What does your priest/therapist/manager say you should do??
What my parents never understood (and what my husband is now very well-versed in) is that that I process my thoughts best out loud. I don’t know what I think until I say it, ideally to another human being. And my parents, wanting to help me solve my challenges quickly, from love, from protection, tried to expedite the process by shunting me off on the express train to expert. But doing this shorted me on the scenic view: a longer route which would’ve allowed me to really get with myself and feel into my situation. To hear my intuition. To trust myself. To see myself as expert. And, ultimately, it slowed me down. How could I make any decision if I wasn’t sure I had consulted not just AN Expert, but THE Expert?
I was actually unaware that I had this compulsion to rush to expert until my own coach helped me discern it (never trust a coach who doesn’t have their own coach). And once I saw it I couldn’t unsee it. There it was, a pattern running through my whole life. And let’s just say, I’m working on it. And you’ll be able to read about it in the Luscious Mother book (#foreshadowing). This has the makings of a fat chapter.
But why the rush to expert? Of course we want to make “the right choice.” But the flip side of that coin is the fear of making the wrong choice. That we will get hurt. Lose. Get lost. Fall down. Mess up. That “something bad will happen.”
We’ve all been on this rock long enough to know that no matter what we do, something bad will happen. Now, tomorrow, next month, next year... A broken wrist, a lost job, a global pandemic. And there are some things from which even the bona fide Experts can’t save us. Bad things will happen, but what’s most important is that when they do, we know we’re able to field those bad hops, fix what breaks, and finagle our way out of sticky situations.
We have to trust ourselves. See ourselves as expert. Hold deeply in our most intuitive fortified inner places that we are uniquely qualified to steer our own ship through any kind of weather. Though the sails may tear and the mast might crack, we are the masters and commanders of our earthly vessels and the journey is ours to steer.
And yes, we must continue to seek out the support and knowledge held by respected specialists, masters of their craft, tech geniuses, savants, EXPERTS of all kinds. But what would it be like to see them as partners who fill in our gaps in knowledge? Wingmen? Freelance hires who inspire? People we could call upon to support our needs, goals and desires, instead of someone who sits in the director's chair, barks orders through a megaphone, and has the power to ax our closeup or leave us on the cutting room floor.
When it comes to your own life, you are The Expert. For who knows YOU more than you?
What would it be like if you truly owned your own expertise and intuition? How would your life change if you saw yourself as Expert?
I bet it would be Luscious as hell, mama. Get ready for that closeup!
Much love,
Anna & Sarah, Experts on Luscious
