THE WAITING (IS THE HARDEST PART)
Good Wednesday, Mamas,
Sarah here. Yesterday, I woke up in a mood. Didn’t sleep well. PMS. Fierce “Monday energies” that rolled heavily into Tuesday after the long holiday weekend. The endless unboxing of Covid-19 uncertainties. And patiently <ahem> awaiting the results of the The Pivot Fund.
Catch up paragraph: For those of you who haven’t been following along, I applied for a twenty-five thousand dollar grant funded by The Wealth Edit, a group of powerhouse women dedicated to breaking down money conversation taboos and promoting women’s fiscal education, growth and success. Out of over 200 applicants, we were one of twenty businesses selected as semi-finalists, and then one of the six finalists! It was as exciting and nerve-wracking as a page-turning murder mystery, but the climax would be twenty-five large instead of just apprehending a murderer! #winning
On the morning of the announcement, I did my usual morning stuff: read on the couch with Mirabelle, meditated, had my breakfast, walked Daisy Doo the wonder dog with my girl, and generally tried to remain calm. While on our walk, Mirabelle turned to me and asked if I thought Luscious Mother was going to win the grant. I checked in with myself and thought about it. After a few moments, I replied:
“No, I don’t think we will.”
Here’s why: There have been many times in my life when I have known things deeply within myself. When I first heard about Accomplishment Coaching, I said, “That’s the one. That’s the program for me.” My husband, Matt, will be the first to tell you that was one of the best decisions we ever made. Later, while mentoring for AC, I heard about an opportunity to train coaches at the United Nations. Although it looked like a long shot,I knew it was mine and, sure enough, it happened. When I was pregnant with Mirabelle, she was breech. My midwife wanted to do an external cephalic version to try to get her into the right position - to which I said “hard pass” - and we later found out it wouldn’t have been successful for several reasons.
Call it a sixth sense, women’s intuition, a deep knowing, but whatever it is, I can feel things, and those feelings guide me. It ain’t a perfect science. You can’t set your clock to it. But I’m always in the ballpark, and my knowing has never failed me as a compass.
During my final interview with the seed funders of the Pivot Grant last week, I felt like I was off my game. I wasn’t feeling that familiar connectedness. When I got off the call I knew that this one, juicy and desirable as it was, wasn’t mine.
I hoped I was wrong. But… I’m not usually wrong.
It’s an odd thing to bet against your own knowing. It can mess with a girl’s head when desire is pitted against intuition. And yesterday morning, as I awaited the announcement, I was amped up, snapping left and right at Matt and Mira. During a not-so-productive ninety minute “writing” session, my partner in crime, Anna, watched me through the Zoom frame with deep concern as I twitched and seethed. Afterwards, she texted Matt to “stay safe”, letting him know that he was in her thoughts and prayers while we awaited the outcome. #notsoluscious #notagreatlook
At 2PM I found out that we didn’t get the grant, and I WAS SO RELIEVED. The built up tension released, my body unclenched and my mood improved exponentially. I apologized to Matt and Mira. I connected with my team and got acknowledgement for my hard work. I had a delicious dinner. I made a little video of gratitude that I shared on social. And then I started to write this newsletter to you, my friends and supporters who keep me keepin’ on.
I’m tired, so appreciative, and feeling very Tom Petty right now. Yes, Tom, the waiting is the hardest part. But you also taught me one other very important lesson: not to back down.
And you can be sure of one thing, mamas, we won’t back down.
With all the love and lusciousness in our hearts,
Sarah + Anna
