I forgive-ish you.
That doesn’t quite have the same ring as “I forgive you,” does it?
No warm fuzzies with that ‘ish on the end.
No closure on the fight with your mom or disagreement with your spouse over why you’re the only one gassing up the car.
What does forgive-ish even mean?
It’s when you let go of something (an event, hurtful conversation, etc.) enough to feel better, but not fully. The feelings you had still linger.
The next time you’re reminded of the event or get hurt again, you get mad.
At that point, it’s clear real forgiveness hasn’t taken place, because you’re just taking out your “file” on that person instead of letting them off the hook.
For me, when that something happens again, I get extremely right and righteous, gathering allies to convince them of how right I am. But I only get more upset and suffer in the process.
This is actually a pattern, and a lot of people do this and experience this.
Often, we say we forgive, and we don’t forget. But that’s not true forgiveness.
Instead, it’s a conditional pass until the next hurt comes along.
The funny thing is, we let go of things every day.
People cut us off in traffic. Someone bumps us in line at the grocery store. You choose to let go of stuff every single day.
If there’s something you can’t forgive, it may be something you’re unwilling to own on your side of the street.
How can you ditch the ‘ish and get to true forgiveness?
One big thing that’s small enough to start today:
Make a list of everything you’re unwilling to forgive people for, big and small.
Take a look at what you’re unwilling to let go of, or what you’re unwilling to own, because you are stuck or there’s something you don’t want to own.
Go deep. There’s a huge impact to forgive-ish. It takes up mental real estate. It gets in the way of trust, ease, partnership, relationship. Time to ditch it.
How did it feel to make that list? Reply to this email and let me know how it went.
Forgiveness is one of the big topics we’ll tackle at the Luscious Mother Winter Retreat. We’re going to work on how to forgive ourselves and others.
I’d love to tell you more about it, and answer your questions, on our Zoom info call on 11/27 at 7:30 p.m. EST. Sign up for this free call here.
Then, claim your spot pronto before they’re all gone.
Until next time, keep that luscious heart.
With deep love and gratitude,