Last weekend, Matt, Mirabelle and I went to Asheville with some friends. Two couples were staying in one house (with our kids) and two couples were in another house (no kids).
No, this isn’t a math equation, or at least not one you see on fill-in-the-bubble tests.
The set of couples without kids were off to paint the town red, even orange and a dab of fuschia, too. The set with kids, well, all the town-painting we could get in before 7:30 p.m. bedtimes.
My sister-in-law reminded Matt and me that our regular babysitter in Charlotte was also in Asheville this weekend, visiting her family.
“You should see if she’s available to watch Mirabelle,” she said.
I called her and sure enough, she was not only available to babysit, but THRILLED to do it.
Matt and I felt like we’d won the lottery. Dreams of painting downtown Asheville all the colors of the rainbow danced in our heads.
But the other mom in our house — a superstar mom, I might add — was hesitant. She’d been having a hard time putting her daughter to bed lately because of her little one’s pre-bedtime anxiety. (It’s actually pretty common for lots of kids.)
She was worried the babysitter might trigger her daughter’s anxiety more. I told her if she wanted to stay in, I’d stay in and the guys could go out.
Beyond the needs of her daughter, my heart squeezed for this mom’s own personal struggle. She felt badly about leaving her daughter AND she wanted to go out and have fun. She felt torn. She knew the right thing (for her) was to stay in (no babysitter) and she was afraid the rest of the gang would judge her.
I’ve definitely had those moments of fear and worry. Many moms go through this and it’s kind of a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. My friend was teed up to feel badly if she did go out, and feel badly if she didn’t.
It’s really important for moms to be aware of this push and pull, and in the end, do what’s right for them and their families.
Tell me, did you experience a similar seemingly “no win” situation over the holidays? When it wasn’t the holidays? I’d love to hear from you.
With deep love and gratitude,